Most of us non-recluses can agree that traveling is great. The new sights, smells, and cultures can really put your insignificant problems into perspective (or make you feel worse, if your problems are actually significant), but let's face it; the actual process of traveling is kind of a pain. It is so much of a pain that I have decided to dedicate an entire post to its damnation, as is very apparent if you read the title card.
First, let's talk about road trips. Being stuck in a cramped car for hours; yay! Although looking out the windows of the car can be nice, it usually gets boring. The sights are usually limited to highway signs, dusty hills, random stores, or the occasional pretty natural sight. And don't forget the excessive joint pain and the hours holding in your pee until you find a rest stop. But anyway, my main reason for this post was to rant about planes.
AIRPLANES! Climb aboard and get to your destination on the fastest commercially available method of transport today. enjoy luxuries such as recycled air, freeze-dried noxious-smelling meals, 10 minutes of good window views and hours of horrible ones (if you're in the 20% who actually get a window seat, that is), bathrooms used by many airsick passengers (sick with fun, amirite?), an joint cramps that are literally out of this world. You will be treated as a V.I.P (very irritating passenger, that is) by a sleep-deprived flight crew. Don't forget to take advantage of our half-functional entertainment systems or listen to the sounds of babies crying and people snoring that surround you, all for the low low price of, well, a lot. Call 1-800-TAKE-A-BOAT today!
Seriously, I hate planes. Whatever, at least they land at one point, and getting out is the best feeling ever.
I can barely type on this weird new keyboard, so I'll stop now.
Let me end the post with one of the sad jokes my friend sent me to distract me from my flight dread.
a: what's the difference between a tuna, a piano, and a pot of glue?
b: IDK
a: you can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna
b: LOL. But what about the glue?
a:I knew you'd get stuck there
b: -_-
AIRPLANES! Climb aboard and get to your destination on the fastest commercially available method of transport today. enjoy luxuries such as recycled air, freeze-dried noxious-smelling meals, 10 minutes of good window views and hours of horrible ones (if you're in the 20% who actually get a window seat, that is), bathrooms used by many airsick passengers (sick with fun, amirite?), an joint cramps that are literally out of this world. You will be treated as a V.I.P (very irritating passenger, that is) by a sleep-deprived flight crew. Don't forget to take advantage of our half-functional entertainment systems or listen to the sounds of babies crying and people snoring that surround you, all for the low low price of, well, a lot. Call 1-800-TAKE-A-BOAT today!
Seriously, I hate planes. Whatever, at least they land at one point, and getting out is the best feeling ever.
I can barely type on this weird new keyboard, so I'll stop now.
Let me end the post with one of the sad jokes my friend sent me to distract me from my flight dread.
a: what's the difference between a tuna, a piano, and a pot of glue?
b: IDK
a: you can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna
b: LOL. But what about the glue?
a:I knew you'd get stuck there
b: -_-
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThat was a great joke! Do you not appreciate all the work I had to do to find cringy "dad" jokes?! *wishes interrobangs existed on keyboards*
ReplyDeleteP.S. Don't take this seriously :P